Dark Night of the Soul
During our darkest times there is light around the corner!
I injured my low back trying to reach something on a top shelf in the grocery store. As I over extended my reach for the top shelf I was hit with a pain in my lower right abdominal region that was like an intense knife jab sensation. I was being stubborn and saying to myself, “I don’t need anyone’s help”. I didn't ask for help when I needed to. Over the next few days I lost my freedom of mobility. The universe put the brakes on me. I could barely move without help.
Learning how to surrender and ask for help is a lifeline back to “God, Source, The Creator or Great Spirit”, whatever resonates with you in this spiritual awakening in this lifetime’s journey. Have you ever tried out those escape room activities with friends? In an escape room your allowed to have clues, but the process of escaping and returning “home” is still a puzzle to decipher. As we “awaken” more to our soul’s journey we get signs and synchronicities that give us these clues to make choices that determine the next road we travel.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Dark Night of the Soul”? Dark Night of the Soul was created as a key to an “escape room” in this lifetime on earth. The “Dark Night of the Soul” creates the recipe for a scenario in our life that backs us into a corner that forces us to look for something different in our life. When we finally see that what are attention is on externally that we have no control it forces us to go inward and eventually ask for help. When that help presents itself, it may come in the form opportunities for training that we can go through to help us to navigate this lifetime. Life has brought a lot of hard and difficult challenges in my life. My Shaman training was sort of one of those training classes for this lifetime. My guides have been telling me I had to reconnect with my “Mesa”, my sacred medicine tool bag and journey to the Upper and Lower worlds for guidance.
Learning to surrender showed me at the rock bottom of this “Dark Night of the Soul” that I needed to find time to open sacred space and “journey” to the Upper World for help and guidance in my weakest and scariest moments.
After I did open sacred space and journey to the Upper World a key was revealed to me from my ancestors and guides. They showed me how to unlock and relax my hip flexors by engaging my glutes. This improved my mobility and decreased my pain and discomfort, but the journey with this injury is not over. It opened a door back to my path in this lifetime’s journey, but the lessons are not over yet with this injury.
I ended up in the ER four times until I was admitted to the hospital for excruciating low back nerve pain. Each of the other three times they did CT scan and ultrasound to rule out other causes for the intense pain. I also had an x-ray done of the lumbar spine and sacral area, which was not conclusive to give us answers to the root cause. Finally after this fourth time coming into the ER and after the doctor performed some muscle testing, there was enough suspicion to order an MRI to look for a bulging or herniated disc. All of my symptoms were indicating that could be a root cause of my intense pain. After having the MRI, the results identified that I had a mild bulging disc at L3/L4, L4/L5 and L5/S1.
I still don't know what lies ahead in this recovery from this injury. The plan now is pain management and physical therapy, which is the help I need that I can’t do on my own. Surrendering to help from others also brings me in on their path and to be part of their journey, so that I can be one of their experiences to learn from to add to their toolbox for their life. This new journey is scary and it will take a lot of mental and physical strength. I am very fortunate to have an amazing wife that has been and will continue to be by my side through all of this. I have to go inward to draw on the strength that I know is there and utilize the various tools I have available to me. I also know that I have to ask for help. I have a vast network of people I can ask for mental and emotional support. I also have a talk therapist that I have been working with for quite a few years. I highly recommend anyone going through challenging time to consider talk therapy. It is a valuable tool to help you to process these major challenges in life.
I will probably continue to update this post along this new journey of recovery. There will be good days and bad days. I know I have to take one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time.
The universe has an incredible way of orchestrating this symphony of life!
